Thursday, May 12, 2005

My First Blog

I feel so special. Now, through the magic of the internet, millions of people throughout the world, from the frozen steppes of the Ukraine to the sun-baked hustle and bustle of Los Angeles, will be able to completely ignore my thoughts, feelings, complaints, and nuggets of folk wisdom. I'm sick of being ignored merely by a close circle of friends, confidants, and parole officers. It's now time to move on to bigger and better things, to be seen as a sickly, somewhat twitchy by-product of cathode ray overdoses and repeated Captain Kronos screenings by a whole world of people, instead of just ex-roommates and the poor people who live across the hall and have to endure endless nights of me yelling profanities and racial slurs at prime-time television. Yes, it's time for young Ashto make his first (well, actually third, if you count old articles at tangmonkey.com and the occasionally needlessly hostile post on the imdb) foray into the wild world of the internet. Here, I take my rightful place between pimply amateur pornography and poorly spell-checked hate sites, hoping that web-surfers might stumble across my site on the way from one to the other. As I am generally bereft of anything interesting to say on a personal level, and I fear that opening the floodgates of my emotions would lead only to an interesting mix of boredom and moral revulsion on the part of the reader, I shall endeavour to keep my posts limited to a mere catalogue and review of each and every film I see, each and every day. I'm notoriously bad at this, as my intake of film, video, and television far outpaces my patience and writing talents, but I've been told that unless I get this sort of stuff out of my system, it tends to build up and cause stomach, skin, and social problems, and I've got enough of all three of those. Anyway, here it goes. I'd like to thank the internet community in general for not noticing my arrival at all, and to give a big shout out in advance to all the people who aren't going to read this blog. There are a lot of you, but I think if we all try really hard, we can make this work. And in the interests of pulling in all those visitors from the porno and hate sites, let me just say that the Zionist Occupational Government loves Anal Sex Two Chicks St. Bernard. Enjoy.

2 Comments:

Blogger Talya said...

How come no one made a comment on this one? It is one of the best first posts I have ever read.

I will.

I´ll start by saying that it is way rare that I enjoy some writing (specially, blog writing) as I enjoy yours.

I even look forward to them. How cute is that. It is like going to the roof and screaming. A thing that I mostly don´t do. (No, seriously)

So like I said before, keep posting.

It is too f*cking good!

>:*)

2:43 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

No one made a comment because no one actually reads this crap, present company excluded. Also, it doesn't help that I actually posted the first five or so entries at the same time, just faking the dates, so it looked like I had been doing this for longer than I actually have been.

I do, however, appreciate that you not only read and enjoyed my stuff, but apparently keep reading and enjoying it, which would make my heart swell with pride if I hadn't have traded it to a man standing at a crossroads dressed in grey for immortal life and a golden fleece.

I will try to keep posting once a day, five days a week, but right now I'm actually on 'vacation' in a town where they barely have electricity, let alone internet access, so I might be a little out of the loop until Saturday.

11:14 AM  

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