Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Speak. I Command You.


In other news, I think people should comment more. I’ve got a site counter, so I know somebody’s reading this crap, and you can’t all possibly be agreeing with me. Hell, I don’t even agree with me most of the time. How come guys like Jerk of All Trades get all kinds of comments from chicks of all kinds, and I’m lucky if I get an ad for golf clubs? While I do have some very kind and vocal regular readers, like Talya from Neonightmare or Je Suis Saves from The Erebus and Terror, I’m sure some one else has something to say about some of these movies. Maybe you could start by explaining to me how nobody reads The Brothers Grimm review, but I get eight comments on Killer Barbys Vs. Dracula.

11 Comments:

Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Brother, even I don't know how or why so many chicks started reading my blog.

I read all of your reviews, I just haven't been able to comment yet. It should be slower than a really slow thing today at work so I'll get to work on it.

I think you entertain yet SCARE most people. Which is a good thing, hell Ellen Degeneres is making good money doing it. I don't know why they don't comment.

Perhaps.....and this is just a guess...they suck.

7:27 AM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Well, hell, I was going to comment on the Barbys post, too, because I have to wonder if you've seen Vampyros Lesbos, which is, in fact, the worst movie ever made.

11:02 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

How can I scare people? Granted, I am 12 feet tall, with a head of gold, trunk of silver, and legs of lead and terracotta, but you people don't know that. Also, the tears that flow down through the fissure in my chest feed the many rivers of Hell, but I don't see how that applies.

Jen, I beg to differ. Yes, I have seen Vampyros Lesbos, on a double bill with Daughters of Darkness, and while it certainly sucks, it doesn't even crack the top twenty worst Jesus Franco films. Mainly, this is because it's shot on actual film, which at least makes it feel like you're watching a movie instead of a 15 year old running around with his first Hi8 camera and a bunch of slutty friends.

12:22 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Okay, so you've seen Vampyros Lesbos, but I'm not sure that the use/waste of film helped it any. At least Franco has some slutty friends to help him out. The lesbian vampires were not nearly slutty enough.

Bygones. Did you see the French film where the first 20 minutes (I swear to god) is some chick lying on a mattress, moving the mattress, lying on it again, moving it again, and so on? Because I don't remember the name of that movie, and it was likewise god-awful.

1:02 PM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

No, but now I want to. It seems like the sort of movie I'd like, or more accurately, pretend to like to piss people off. Unless it's Blue. I don't remember how that movie starts, but I feel like that's the kind of thing that would happen in Blue. Do try and remember, so I can write an irritating review about it.

4:38 PM  
Anonymous Jen said...

Oh, no, definitely not Blue. The only other thing I remember is the main character giving some guy either a bj or a handjob in a truck. Does that help?

I didn't think so. I'm clearly blocking the name as it deeply scarred my psyche.

5:03 PM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Let's see... a french chick who spends twenty minutes on a mattress and a blow job. Yeah, I might have seen that. A hundred different times. No matter how busy I am, there's always enough time in the day for Euro-porn, though the French have nothing on the Czechs.

5:19 PM  
Anonymous Rin said...

I'm thinking of posting a bit. Because this is pretty much the only site I've found on the entire Internet with the correct (underlined) view on films.

You hate the new Crash as much as me, right?

Sweet.

11:03 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

No, no, I liked it. You see, I'm a huge fan of movies that are gimmicky and emotionaly manipulative. Also, coincidence is a great foundation for a screenplay.

7:15 PM  
Anonymous Rin said...

Oscar-nominated writer Paul Haggis (Million Dollar Baby, Crash) was recently hired to rewrite Casino Royale, Sony and MGM's 21st installment of the James Bond franchise. The Hollywood Reporter talked to Haggis in Toronto about what the film will be like.

"It's going to be good," Haggis said. "We're trying to reinvent Bond. He's 28: no Q, no gadgets."

6:23 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Good news! We need a Bond that's stripped of the toys, the humour, and the supervillains. That way, we can concentrate on what's really important, which would be his alcoholism.

9:11 AM  

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