Firefly Marathon 1: Animal Mother vs Steve the Pirate.
1. Why is Adam Baldwin in this? Didn’t anyone see Gargantua?He’s not even a real Baldwin, which is weird enough in itself. That’s like pretending to be related to Joe Piscopo. The name’s recognizable, I supposed, but hearing it is immediately followed by downturned eyes and shame filled looks of pity.
2. Why did I see Gargantua?
3. Why does everyone talk like smarmy university students who think someone’s listening, so they amp up the pop-culture references to try and sound like David Spade?
4. Why is Joss Whedon so bad at action choreography? Every fight looks like the actors are playing on the mats in a high school drama class.
5. Why am I doing this?
This particular episode involves a train heist and the big juice monkey from The Program. Here, we learn that though lead character Mal is the head of Hole-In-The-Wall style gang of outlaws, he has a heart of gold, just like the hooker he’s traveling with. If he’s lucky, they’ll have kids that are worth triple the going rate on the baby black market. We also learn that one of the passengers he’s inexplicably carrying on board has a deep dark secret, which is probably that she’s an even worse actor than the guy who plays the pilot, who is I believe Steve The Pirate from Dodgeball. I’m on the edge of my seat to solve that mystery. See you in an hour.
Also, once I'm done with this live crap, I'm going to reverse the times to make for an easier reading experience.