Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Firefly Marathon 6: Safe

This show has a mechanic named Kaylee. She is Sarah Chalke, or she would be, if you inflated Chalke’s head with a bicycle pump. I think I would like to have sex with her, not because she’s attractive, as she looks and acts like her skull is a jack-o-lantern with a candle inside, but because it will take my mind off my hunger and this stupid show. This show also was a woman named River played by an actress named Summer. She is magic, like Jesus, and also like Jesus, she is a witch. They are now herding cattle. Cattle! I UNDERSTAND THAT IT’S A WESTERN! A little voice in my head is telling me that this marathon might be a bad idea. It’s accompanied by another voice that endlessly repeats “catch ‘em and kill ‘em”, and paints me word pictures in red, which leads me to believe that the first voice may be right. I often have bad ideas. One time I tried to bring a cow's head back to life by plugging it into a wall socket, and another time I married a colony of colobus monkeys in the hopes of creating a master race of night-slaves. There is much cattle rustling and Bonanza music in this episode. Joss Whedon must think I’m an idiot. At this point, I think he might be right. I have no feeling in my neo-cortex , and I have lost the ablility to start sentences with anything but the subject. I fear the end is near, sadly not of the series, but of me functioning on anything but a primal level. Where is my pizza? I am asking you a question.

2 Comments:

Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I can't take this!!
It's like watching a friend kill themselves......but worse, they'll go on living.....damaged, but alive. Kind of like Ashlee Simpson, or one of the Hilton sisters.

STOP THE MADNESS ASH!!

YOU'VE GOT TOO MUCH TO LIVE FOR!!

He was so young.....he was so young.
*sniff*

5:44 PM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

I'm not young. I'm a seventy year old man trapped in a hideously sickly body.

11:57 PM  

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