Wednesday, October 12, 2005
A preacher is on this show. They call him ‘shepherd’, which is funny now that I have lost cognitive function. If I were well, I would find it incredibly stupid. But I am not. I have asked the preacher to show me god, and he has given me a wondrous world of flickering lights and blue glow, and now god speaks to me in 5.1 digital surround sound. The pizza has arrived. It was delivered by an Arab, which is good, because their meat is tough but juicy, like roasted boar. His carcass will feed me for hours, and I shall use the pizza as bait to try and lure the lower life-forms from outside the apartment across from mine, whom I shall devour, and whose strength shall guide me through the last 7 episodes. They are playing 50 Cent very loudly across the hall, which is almost drowning out the stupid dialogue. Apparently, people in the Old West talked a lot like Buffy Summers but with worse grammar. In this episode, Capitain Mal finds a wife. She was hiding behind some chicken wire in the cargo hold. It teaches us the value of old thyme traditions, like arranged marriages and keeping women uneducated so they never learn what a clitoris is. There is too much naval jargon mixed with Wild West slang. Boats and cowboys don’t mix, like oil and water, and me and immigrants. The Capitain drops his six-shooters. Why do they not have automatic weapons in the future? Is it for the same reason they no longer have fiddle-free music? I shall ask these questions of my brand new god, and he will answer in electron flames.