Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Insincere Apologies.

To all those who have been sorely missing my posts lately, I apologize. It's just that I've been gearing up for my annual cry-for-help Christmas suicide attempt, so I've been a bit busy. It takes quite a bit of preparation, including entire days devoted to individual Type O Negative records, hours spent in the bathtub staring at flickering black candles while humming Gloomy Sunday, and endlessly calling ex-girlfriends to hang up in order to get in the right mood, but I think I'm finally ready to slit my wrists the wrong way and throw up half a bottle of Ativan. After that's done, I'll get back to my reviews, which have been hopelessly backlogged in the holiday rush. When I'm back in the saddle (tomorrow), expect some Syriana, Fun With Dick and Jane, Brokeback Mountain, and the long-awaited Capote (this one's for you, Jody), interspersed with bad B-movies and hidden links to the Aryan Nations website. See you soon,



Anonymous broadzilla said...

Ash and the regulars, not that you'd notice - but I'm bowing out (dis)gracefully until the New Year and heading home for Christmas and grim pantomimes of Northern Hemisphere festive rituals conceived for sub-zero climes, while the lawn turns black from the summer heat. Then we'll all get drunk and reminisce about the good ol' days when it was still ok to boil missionaries in big cauldrons.

Have a great Christmas and New Year, y'all. Especially you, Ash - if you haven't already bled to death, that is.

10:33 a.m.  
Blogger Fatman said...

It'd be good to have you back doing what you do best ( reviewing awful films) since in your absence I've had to make decisions by myself in what to watch- a terrifying prospect. Also reading your blog is always much more fun than writing my own blog since that involves....y'know...writing words and finding obscure jpegs which is a real pain in the arse. But enjoy the holiday period. Don't spill blood on the carpet.

Broadzilla- In the civillized world we microwave missionaries. And children. And people who enjoy films like Cheaper By the Dozen 2 (They made a f$#%&cking sequel?).

11:00 a.m.  
Anonymous Rin said...

Faster, Max.

12:37 p.m.  
Blogger JodyTresidder said...


1:22 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

broadzilla - I certainly will notice your absence, since you compromise approximately 1/3 of the people who read this site. However, I thought you'd already left. And what, they don't have internet at your home? And thanks for the well-wishes, even though I don't celebrate christmas and I hate New Years. The whole point of my suicide attempt, aside from gathering sympathy and attention, is to be hospitalized to I don't have the pressure of trying to find something to do on December 31 so I don't have to tell people I did nothing but fall asleep watching a re-run of Cheers.

Fatman - I had no idea they had made a sequel to that movie until it came out yesterday. Now I have to see it, even though I didn't see the original and I have no intention of liking it.

Rin - I've been meaning to ask you, have you ever heard the band British Sea Power? Seems like something you'd like.

1:23 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Jody - you're welcome. And I actually did see that solely because you asked me to. I'm allergic to bio-pics, but taking requests makes me feel like a Vegas crooner.

1:25 p.m.  
Anonymous Rin said...


4:21 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Why, whatever do you mean? It was an honest question, but if you're going to be all snippy about it, forget I said anything. It's not like we're arguing politics, religion, or how to pluralize "scarf".

5:15 p.m.  
Anonymous Je Suis said...

I never pluralize the word "scarf". I used to, but an old man hit me in the mouth and told me to stop making dirty noises. He's dead now, but his lesson has stayed with me. I'm late on this, but it's good to see you back, Ash.

6:46 p.m.  

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