Saturday, December 10, 2005

Silk Screening Evil.

The Manson Family
2003, USA
Jim Van Bebber
DVD

It’s about time somebody made a film based upon those annoying T-shirts you get at head shops and kiosks in white trash malls. That way, the film can show at small, run-down rep-theatres, gathering the type of people who wear pewter pentagram necklaces and long black trench coats regardless of the temperature into one place, preferably with an air-conditioning system advanced enough to pump in weaponized anthrax spores. Then, three midnight screenings and one full-blown tactical team assault on a 50 Cent concert later, and my hometown might be a desirable place to live in again.

The Manson Family is a legendary cult film 8 years in the making. It takes a lot of hard work to make a film, especially if the only footage you have to show your investors is scratchy 16mm stock of long-haired teenagers frolicking topless on a farm and trying to act. The film is long, and very experimental, which is at least a change from the standard hack and slash direct-to-video horror films populating the market. But the experimental flourishes seem forced, as if director Jim Van Bebber end up with a straightforwardly shitty narrative about a TV crew editing a documentary about Charles Manson, and tried to spice things up with cut footage from Czech psychedelia film Daisies and enough blood to paint Sharon Tate’s entire house. The film does have a narrative, and plenty of fairly convincing faux-documentary footage spliced in, but there’s too much reliance on the acid-trip scene from Hard Core Logo to make this picture worthwhile. Buy the t-shirt instead.

BEST MURDERER T-SHIRTS.

1. Charles Manson. I know I complained about it like two paragraphs ago, but as well as being a lunatic, Manson was also a violent white supremacist, which makes it very funny when people wear shirts with his mug plastered all over. This isn’t a good thing, but the more people that buy these shirts, the more likely it is that I’ll be able to wear by “Support Your Local Einsatzkommado” Burzum shirt out of the house.


2. Che Guevara. A socialist icon that ordered the deaths of political prisoners in Cuba and is remarkably conscious of image branding for a communist.


3. Michael Schiavo. It’s not so much that I’m condemnatory for Schiavo’s actions, it’s just that the shirt makes him look like a drunk Jeff Foxworthy. I’d post a link to the site that sells these, but I don’t want to give Glenn Beck any more hits.


4. Ed Gein. He was a hillbilly retard, and he made furniture out of old women! Great for breaking the ice at parties, or keeping women far, far away.


5. School Shootings Tour. Not dedicated to a specific murderer, but just Marilyn Manson fans in general.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

T-shirts funny.

6:40 PM  
Anonymous the irritating little tick said...

i want to bugger sharon tate, (as she was before roman polanski made her pregnant).

6:00 AM  
Anonymous the ludicrous oaf said...

i think everybody in the world should have a T-shirt with "GEORGE A. ROMERO IS GOD" written on it, because in my opinion mr. romero quite simply owns the universe !!!

6:08 AM  

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