Saturday, January 07, 2006

Super-Satan.

The Omen
1976, USA
Richard Donner
DVD

I hate Superman. He’s like the teacher’s pet in grade-school, only you can’t constantly flick pencil erasers at the back of his head during French class for two semesters until he breaks down in tears, shits himself in public, then tries to commit suicide by jumping out of his second story bedroom window, because the bastard can fly. Therefore, I hate everything connected with Superman, including director Richard Donner, who managed to make Supes exponentially lamer by showing the entire world what a man in primary-colored tights looks like.

Nope. Still gay.

On the other hand, I love Satan. Devil worship, witchcraft, Bible verses misinterpreted worse than a Marilyn Manson interview, it’s all a whole lot of fun in my book, which incidentally is bound in human flesh and inked in blood. And he’s actually quite fond of me, as well, since I vote liberal and use the word ‘niggardly’ as frequently as possible. So, The Omen comes out pretty much even-steven in the whole affair, though Gregory Peck reminds me too much of my grandfather for me to recommend this movie to anyone who didn’t help force King Michael of Romania to abdicate. That said, there are some worthwhile performances and macabre elements to the film, but Donner photographs everything so disinterestedly, the film plays like an infomercial for the Hellfire club.

My favorite childhood coloring book. Apparently, Satan loves Storm from the X-Men and surfers.

Essentially, the The Omen brings us the birth of the Anti-Christ, a snotty little wiener of a kid in a gay hat who’s prophesied to grow into either the devil incarnate or one of the Kids In The Hall. Peck is his adopted father, an American politician, who begins to suspect something is up when O Fortuna starts playing every time his child walks into the room. Eventually, a disgraced priest and the photographer from Blow-Up convince him that he has to kill his son, a conversation that doesn’t last nearly as long as it should and involves very little evidence. Americans. Like Superman, Peck now has the fate of the world in his hands, and in his heroic costume of tweed jackets with leather patches, he sets out to destroy evil with his perfect diction and super-powered eyebrows. He’s got a planet to save and a book report to present, and there’s no way he’s going to let King Michael stand in his way.

3 Comments:

Blogger Sam Kahn said...

Have you seen The Boys from Brazil? That was probably the last Gregory Peck movie I saw.

1:17 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Yeah, that's probably my favorite Hitler-cloning movie. Yet another similarity with my grandfather.

8:55 AM  
Anonymous IN PRAISE OF HETEROSEXUAL BUGGERY said...

I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF SOMEONE FROM THE FILM WHO I WOULD LIKE TO BUGGER, NOW I WOUND`NT WANT TO BUGGER ANY OF THE MALE HUMAN BEINGS IN THE FILM BECAUSE I`M NOT A DIRTY PANSY QUEER BASTARD, HOW-EVER I THINK IT WOULD BE TRUE TO SAY THAT I WOULD, (more or less), LIKE TO BUGGER ALL THE FEMALE HUMAN BEINGS IN THE FILM, SIMPLY BECAUSE I`M A COMPLETELY NORMAL RAMPANTLY HETEROSEXUAL MAN, as for the film, well it was pretty good but not as good as "THE EXORCIST", WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SUBJECT OF LINDA BLAIR, you know i`ve always wanted to bugger her, that fucking little minx.

4:43 AM  

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