Garage Bands In The Savage Land.
Apparently, Australia has electricity now. Which means they have electric guitars. Which means they have shitty music. Now all they need is old Pixelvision cameras and an appreciation of stop-motion animation, and they can start churning out crap indie videos like the rest of the world.
Until then, they’ll have to settle for movies about crap indie bands. The twist with Garage Days is that the film knows the band is shitty, and the audience is in on the joke. The only problem is, the joke’s not funny. It’s at times juvenile and always lame, like what a 40 year old who’s never had children thinks kids would find funny. Directed by The Crow’s Alex Proyas, the film is inventive visually, but almost completely forgettable. But it tries, oh, how it tries, to stick in your memory with quirky characters, wild drug trips, and Fight Club twists as out of place as a black kid without a trust fund at a Radiohead show. Plus, the movie, starring a bunch of people you’ve never heard of and will never hear of again, is inadvertently depressing because the band it features could never possibly succeed. Here’s why:
- No one in the group appears to be wearing Converse sneakers. This is apparently more important to indie rock than having an alphabetized vinyl collection, or being able to name-drop Roky Erickson into a discussion of 60s psychedelia.
- While there is an attempted suicide within the band, this suicide is not attempted while a Smith’s song plays in the background.
- The band does not have a name. While this verges on being so very cool it causes Pitchfork Media to melt its server, this will invariably result in hundreds of underground rock bands with deliberately obtuse names killing each other in fits of jealousy for not having thought of that first, thus eliminating the entire target audience. The Go! Team, in particular, will slaughter thousands by swinging around inappropriate punctuation.
As the band must fail, so does the film. Here’s hoping it still makes enough money to keep the lights on in Australia.