Friday, February 17, 2006

Hunting For An Ending.

Mindhunters
2004, USA
Renny Harlin
DVD

To my knowledge, Renny Harlin has never made a good movie. I, also, have never made a good movie. Therefore, I propose that the next time some sweaty screenwriter jonesing for Vicodin coughs up a lump of phlegm and a script like this, I get to make it. I guarantee it will be just as mundane and familiar, and will be cast just as full of up and coming actors meeting falling stars right below the threshold of familiarity.

These little babies are responsible for more action movies than the Cold War.

Mindhunter is a whodunit made by people who clearly don’t care who did it. The main problem of the film, and there are many to chose from, is that it seems that they could have substituted any ending and the film would have worked fine. The best mysteries all build toward a conclusion that feels like pieces falling into place, not a desperate attempt to keep them from falling apart by slapping on the ending that scored higher in mall test screenings. Also, the premise of the film is somewhat ridiculous. It’s about a group of FBI Behavioural Sciences students being put through an elaborate training exercise on an isolated island. I’m not sure exactly how things work in the USA, but I’m pretty sure the FBI has more important priorities than spending a few million dollars training seven people to be advisors on Criminal Minds. Among the recruits are a bunch of people you vaguely recognize, Johnny Lee Miller pretending, I believe, to be from Texas, and L.L. Cool J, who manages to go almost twenty minutes without licking his lips like a pervert.

Shhhh. Don't tell your mom.

Despite what I’ve said above, Mindhunters is not terrible. It’s just sadly average. This is mildly depressing because the film is so stupid it should be awful, but instead it’s a sad reflection on the state of modern cinema. And this mediocrity pervades the film on every level, both stylistically and formally. I’ve seen films that had great editing, like Insomnia or Don’t Look Now, and films that were edited terribly, like Aeon Flux, but Mindhunters again finds itself right in the middle, pulling out every stock trick in the book and doing everything by the predictable numbers. Which, incidentally, would be another show that would probably benefit from the recruits in this story.

7 Comments:

Blogger Sam Kahn said...

I remember thinking this would be terrible when I saw the trailer.

3:23 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

And the trailer didn't lie.

9:22 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

You lie, LL Cool J cannot go more that 10 seconds without licking his lips.

Yes!
Another movie I didn't bother flushing money at.
I KNEW I wouldn't regret it.

8:42 PM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

You gotta go with your gut, Jerk. Let me take the shots for you. That's what I'm here for.

11:53 PM  
Blogger Fatman said...

Renny Harlin has never made a good movie? I think we're all forgetting a little masterpiece called The Adventures of Ford Fairlane. Classic. No, actually it's one of those films that I used to love when my mind was still young and underdeveloped (as opposed to now when it's old and.....you know where I'm going with this) and now I'm fearful that if I watch it I'll be bitterly disappointed. And for the record I did enjoy Mindhunters. But then again I like films where people get killed for no apparent reason.

7:22 PM  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

I'm crushed that this didn't turn out to be the great Slater / Kilmer comeback vehicle we were so desperately hoping for.

2:36 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Christian Slater doesn't need to come back until Jack Nicholson dies.

3:50 PM  

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