I Wish I Was Illiterate. Were. I Wish I Were Illiterate.
Why do I spend an hour every day churning out crap that no one reads? Because the reason you’re not reading my stuff is because you’re reading shit like this, which was the front page of my local paper this morning:
“With 800 meters to go in the race of her life and her body hung out three klicks north of agony and a block east of despair, Clara Hughes reached down last night into a heart as broad and deep as all Canada and skated to a gold medal for the ages.”
- Jack Todd, Montreal Gazette, Sunday, February 26, 2006
Wait, how do I get to despair again? Is it left or right at agony? Mapquest can’t find it. When did the news turn into a fucking romance novel? The front page? This guy gets paid for this, and I can’t cover my cable bill? Man, I wish I could write things that weren’t pedophile jokes and vague references to the Thule society.