Saturday, February 25, 2006

I Wish I Was Illiterate. Were. I Wish I Were Illiterate.

Why do I spend an hour every day churning out crap that no one reads? Because the reason you’re not reading my stuff is because you’re reading shit like this, which was the front page of my local paper this morning:

“With 800 meters to go in the race of her life and her body hung out three klicks north of agony and a block east of despair, Clara Hughes reached down last night into a heart as broad and deep as all Canada and skated to a gold medal for the ages.”
  • Jack Todd, Montreal Gazette, Sunday, February 26, 2006

Wait, how do I get to despair again? Is it left or right at agony? Mapquest can’t find it. When did the news turn into a fucking romance novel? The front page? This guy gets paid for this, and I can’t cover my cable bill? Man, I wish I could write things that weren’t pedophile jokes and vague references to the Thule society.


Anonymous Drek said...

If it helps you any, I would much rather read pages of your pedophile jokes (and do!) than whatever the hell "Jack Todd" shat onto there. If I was Clara Hughes I would just be fucking embarassed at that article.

2:33 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Thanks a lot, drek. A headline in today's paper (not by Jack Todd), is

"Defibrillator use shocking low"

Get it? Shocking! Because they use electricity! That sure is a lot of pun for an article about tragic preventable death.

9:27 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Sorry, saw Daniel Day Lewis and skipped this one.

I bet it sounded better in French though.

I mean...It sounded good no?

1:35 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

I have no idea what it would sound like in French, since the French people I know are illiterate.

6:51 p.m.  
Anonymous W. Drogge Jr. said...

What are you talking about? None of your refrences to the Thule are vague.

5:32 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Not to rain on your parade, but I think your last name is spelled "Droege".

1:09 a.m.  

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