Wednesday, February 22, 2006

It's Late, I'm Tired, and Evil Dead Rules.

2005, USA
Phil Morrison

Fish out of water comedies are a dime a dozen, like dumb names in the indie rock scene and girls with wrist scars. Usually, either the fish is poor and the water is rich, or vice versa, but either way, both are annoying. Unless they’re Junebug, which takes all the good bits out of Sweet Home Alabama and leaves Reese Witherspoon crushed under the weight of her leaden comic timing and bulbous forehead.

Jesus. You could watch IMAX on that thing.

Set in North Carolina, Junebug tells a familiar story without the broad comic strokes familiar to this particular sub-genre, but still with a sense of humor. Starring Embeth Davitdz, the film gives us a predictable clash of cultures revolving around a Southern Bible Belt family dealing with their first encounter with their new daughter in law. The family is traditional but welcoming, and Davitdz is, of course, a princess from 14th century England battle-scarred from winning a war with the unholy Deadites. Wait, that’s Army of Darkness. I think that here, Davidtz plays an outsider art dealer from Chicago, one of those gallery owners who deals in paintings done by retards or women. Doesn’t matter. Both films star Embeth, and that movie’s way better than both Junebug and Sweet Home Alabama combined. Army of Darkness has legions of the undead, whereas Junebug only has a close-knit family believably played by talented actors. Junebug values only subtlety and complex characterization, but Army puts more emphasis on dancing skeletons. Army has Mr. Peterman from Seinfeld, and Junebug only has that doe-eyed mope from The O.C. that looks like he learned to act by pantomiming a Backstreet Boys video and his face stuck that way. But on the plus side, neither film stars Reese Witherspoon’s forehead.


Blogger lolalane said...

I can't WAIT for this movie.

2:03 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Whereas I can't wait for Evil Dead 4.

9:14 a.m.  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

Embeth grew up in the same area I did. I've always felt that was significant, given her choice of roles.

9:37 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Shop S-Mart!

10:01 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

You grew up in 14th century England?

10:48 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Hey Ash, check my blog and tell me if I guessed correctly, and if so....will she be mad and kick my ass.

Hell, if I'm NOT will she be mad and kick my ass?

10:58 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

What makes you think I know anything about Broadzilla? She's as hostile to me as she is to you.

I am fairly sure that Embeth Davidtz didn't grow up in Detroit, though.

11:05 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Because you are the Prince of Darkness, Baron at the very least. You know EVERYBODY!

Besides....I'm afraid to talk to her directly after the whole "Chicky" incident.

11:22 a.m.  
Anonymous Muttley said...

Maybe you've already watched it, maybe not. Either way it's brilliant:
Brokeback to the Future

12:17 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Actually, Jerk, technically I'm only a Prince of Powers.

And Muttley, yeah I already saw it. It's great, but I'm getting real sick of fake trailers.

12:44 p.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Yeah, but "Prince of Powers" sounds kinda wussy.

How 'bout "Prince of Forked beards!" or "Prince of Scathing Remarks!"...."Prince of Papercuts"?

I'll think of something.

Where are you?

1:28 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Hey, man, I tempt people with hardness of heart. Don't knock it.

1:32 p.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Is that like a hardening of the arteries, or is it more like that old Quarterflash song?

You know, I keep thinking tha Zilla is who I think she is and I wanna ask her rock star questions, but aren't/weren't you in a band?

I just hate coming off like I'm trying to be a kiss-ass to you 'cuz you're gonna be famous, when in reality I just think you're a cool guy.

1:45 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

No, you were right the first time. It's like the Slayer song Hardening of the Arteries.

No one could possibly think that you're sucking up to me because I'm going to be famous, because I'm so far from famous I can barely spell it.

Yes, I was in a band, and yes, I am currently in a band that's just getting started.

1:58 p.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Do you have any of your stuff I can listen to?
I'm TRYING to get into recording crap but I've NEVER dealt with even a 4-track before.
I'm kinda scared to hear how horrible my stuff really is.

Nevermind, this is a FILM blog.
I'll search elsewhere for this type of stuff.

Have a great weekend oh unholy Prince of High Cholesterol.

8:00 p.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Don't worry, once I've sent you some of my stuff, you'll feel like Jimi Hendrix.

10:07 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I'll feel like I'm buried in Seattle?

12:51 p.m.  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

Yea, verily Ash(taroth), certain aspects of my childhood could described as medieval. No cable TV, for instance.

Oh, hi Jerk. No, I've never been to Detroit. Yes, you may ask me a rock star question. But only one.

3:14 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Yeah, but you're not a rockstar Zilla, what's the point?

8:35 a.m.  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

If there had to be a point to everything, this website would not exist.

9:03 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Sure it would. Someone has to keep the FBI busy monitering something.

9:29 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

I'm not talking to you Zilla.
I devote TWO posts to you on my blog (Only one counts though) and do you give me ANY love in return?

11:59 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

I have no idea what that emoticon means. Does it have the stomach flu?

6:52 p.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...


(Had to parphrase "Employee Of The Month there)

8:07 p.m.  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

Jerk, if I had a dollar for every guy that devoted a post to me on the WWW, I'd have around... R6.16, going on current exchange rates.

I'm flattered, more or less. Possibly even amused. But mostly I'm staggered at your flagrant disregard for the Mother Of All Internet Decrees, namely: never flirt with anyone online that you aren't absolutely, positively, sure you'd want to flirt with in real life. Furthermore - and this is the really important part - never, ever flirt with anyone you meet on the 16mm Shrine. For god's sake, man! Take a long, hard look around you - what the hell were you thinking?

That said, I'd be happy to put you in a headlock and force you to buy me a beverage if ever our paths should cross.

Now please, put that emoticon away.

3:49 a.m.  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...


8:11 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

I thought the Mother Of All Internet Decrees was not to visit the White Order of Thule website from your home computer. I do it from work.

9:18 a.m.  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

That's probably wise. Someone might confuse Odinism with onanism and then you'd be in for a heap of trouble.

10:58 a.m.  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

Considering I work mainly with pornography, I don't think anyone would be surprised by the onanism.

11:17 a.m.  

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