Sunday, February 05, 2006

Wrong Kind of Disaster.

Earthquake
1974, USA
Mark Robson
VHS

Lessons learned from Star Trek are not suitable for use in feature films:

Shaking the camera is not a substitute for shaking the set. You’re not fooling anybody, and you’re making your cast feel silly.

Tired and loud 60s stars are not a substitute for real actors. They require so much attention it dents gravity. If Richard Burton and William Shatner were ever in the same room together, our solar system would collapse into a black hole.

Chest hair is not a substitute for talent. If it were, Robin Williams would be trading off Oscar nominations with that Wolf Boy from the Brothers Grim Sideshow. Therefore, open necked shirts serve little purpose.



Women need characters, not just breasts. But they do need breasts that don’t look like mosquito bites, so Earthquake star Victoria Principal is right out.

Bad special effects and campy acting do not a cult hit make. They make Charlton Heston movies.

1 Comments:

Anonymous THE COURT JESTER said...

JUST THE USUAL ASH, I`D JUST LIKE TO SAY THAT....WELL YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I`M GOING TO SAY....YES THAT`S RIGHT, "I WANT TO BUGGER GENEVIEVE BUJOLD", (as she was when she was 18, not as she is now obviously!!!).

3:20 PM  

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