Where Have All The Killer Dinosaurs Gone?
God. I’m so sick of movies examining culture clash and the simultaneously healing and destructive power of love as it relates to the Turkish community in Germany. They’re like Holocaust movies; a dime a dozen, and more common than the cold. You can’t turn on the TV without seeing Kelly Rippa giggle her way through an interview with Sibel Kekilli like a six-year old flipped on nitrous, or catching Steven Cojocaru trading frothy fashion tips with Birol Unel like a couple of hideously ethnic schoolgirls. Even director Fatih Akin has been making the talk show rounds, appearing drunk and pimped out on Late Night With Conan O’Brien, even directing an episode of The Amazing Race during February sweeps.
I hate the way the media rewards these “filmmakers” for producing commercial trash by making them celebrities instead of exposing them for the marketing hucksters they are. Clearly, films like Head-On are made for a quick buck, using German tax breaks and money-grubbing investment bankers to take advantage of government loopholes and a gullible public, turning a quick buck on easy-sell properties. A story about two self-destructive German Turks who meet in a mental hospital and decide to enter a doomed sham marriage to escape strict cultural constraints is just the kind of movie that guarantees a huge opening weekend, before word of mouth can turn people away from the theatre. I wouldn’t be surprised if it were based on a video game. My call, nay, my demand, is that the international film community stop glutting the market with these low-brow, deeply-moving character studies and let some other genres get some exposure. For once, I’d like to see something with a massive special effects budget but a script the length of a Hardy Boys novel at my local multiplex, instead of this unpredictable, wildly gripping tripe. I want something I can fall asleep ten minutes in and still figure out, something with dialogue cut together from various Lethal Weapon movies, something with a shiny, glossy, and empty soul. Something, essentially, with killer dinosaurs or possibly time traveling robots. Then, maybe, Hollywood get a fair shake at creating a healthy, stable American film industry, and I can finally get a sequel to Dungeons and Dragons.