Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Fair Trade Lady Boys.

Human Trafficking
2005, USA
Christian Duguay
DVD

TV movies are so good hearted. Whether they're earnestly warning us of the dangers of F5 tornados or blaming terrorism on Democrats and gay marriage, they always have our best interests at heart. Though it can be argued were the TV film any good, it would have been produced for the big screen instead of for after Will & Grace, there's a lot to be said for the informative and heartfelt quality of most made-for-cable films. Human Trafficking, originally aired on the Lifetime Network, is no different. With open arms and an open heart, the film seeks to educate and inform the viewing public about the seedy world of sex slavery. While there's no way I'm going to sit through 3 hours of Mia Sorvino trying to act, I can only assume that the trite direction of Christian Duguay and the obvious sensibilities of all TV movies are meant to warn us about the obvious implications of the trafficking in human lives, which is caveat emptor: let the buyer beware. In the unregulated industry of sex slaves, it's easy to be taken advantage of by an unscrupulous human dealer, and rented an 8-year-old Thai girl instead of a 7-year-old Korean boy. And believe me, the Consumer Control Board is not happy to hear those complaints. But without government regulation, there’s little you they can do to help a cheated client get his money back, or his blood work clean. So, while I'm not sure exactly how much detail the film gets into, here are a few helpful hints and warnings about the dangers of human trafficking.

She could be anybody's daughter. Sadly, she's not mine.

1) Russian women will do anything for food. Unfortunately, if you couple desperation with unkempt body hair, you get rug burn.

2) Filipinos are a real treat. Adding tears to the usual mix of blood and semen, they require practically no lubricant.

3) Romanians have an exciting mix of Slavic and Roma bloodlines, resulting in intriguing Asiatic features and STIs they don't even have names for.

4) The difference between a 6-year-old boy and a 6-year-old girl is negligible in practice, immense in theory. Make your preference known early, so you don't accidentally turn gay in the dark.

5) Everyone from South America has the clap.

As you can see, Human Trafficking is a powerful and moving exploration of the horrors of getting ripped of by sex slavers. I recommend it heartily, because of its educational value, and not because my friend Bjanka is in it. Rent it today, and protect yourself and your investment.

6 Comments:

Blogger Fatman said...

With a bit of creative work with a blow torch, a sewing kit and a couple of spare body parts you can do a D.I.Y. sex change operation to create the girl or boy of your dreams. Hell, you can have a sex slave with three penises if you really wanted to.

9:15 AM  
Blogger Jerk Of All Trades 2.0 said...

Dman Bjanka's hot.
I can't believe you "Discovered" her.
Your one claim to fame.
Well, that and the bestiality short you were in "Poontang for Pandas".
HUGE in Sri Lanka.

11:28 AM  
Blogger Sam Kahn said...

I didn't bother with this movie. Have you seen "The Prestige?"

6:29 AM  
Blogger Ash Karreau said...

No, I saw The Illusionist already. Once will do.

Why would I want a sex slave with three penises? I'm insecure enough already.

Pandas are way sexier than racoons.

8:42 AM  
Blogger Sam Kahn said...

I thought The Prestige was far better than The Illusionist.

6:09 PM  
Anonymous the sneering (homo-phobic) snob said...

mira sorvino is now 40 years old and there-fore she is, by definition, 22 years past the peak of her physical attractiveness and desirability, but i would have loved to bugger that bird when she was 18, her arse would have been absolutely magnificent.

7:02 PM  

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