Monday, January 22, 2007

Light, Human, and Sexual. Just The Way I Like My Children.

Little Children
2006, USA
Todd Fields

It's not every day you come across a child molestation comedy. Well, not a legal one, at least. The Internet is full of surprises, but a lot of them will get your IP address tracked by the FBI, so it's best to leave well enough alone. Sometimes, no matter how much you'd like to see a naked woman and a pack of wild dogs driven by equal parts lust and hunger, you should just stick to surfing for pictures of Britney Spears' shaved vagina like everybody else. I hear TMZ or whatever crap website Perez Hilton complains about not being famous on has some charming pictures of Lindsay Lohan looking like her coke buzz is wearing off. Maybe check that out instead of googling "funny pederast".

Surpringly, it took me about 20 minutes to find this photo. A 20 seconds to get off to it.

Or, alternately, watch Little Children, a strangely comic look at the dark underbelly of suburbia. A subject explored in only 2 to 3 hundred films in the past few years, Little Children is a refreshingly light take on adultery, pedophilia, and pornography. It's been noted that couples who laugh during sex have sex more often, so judging by the way I responded to this film, I should be quite busy with the next Girl Scout troop I meet. Starring Kate Winslet, Jennifer Connelly, and several people with disturbingly pock- marked faces, the film is certainly not farce or satire, but the tone isn't weighed down by the usual grimness and sobriety that burden films of this type. Instead, there's a humanity and a natural sense of humor. And coupled with narration that sounds like William Burroughs reading fairy tales through a heroin nod, there's a dreamy, upbeat feel to the film.

Speaking of heroin, Winslet is ours, with an added 'e'. She's a bad mother, as inattentive to her daughter as she is to her bushy eyebrows, who starts up a torrid affair with the guy from Angels In America after catching her husband sniffing mail order panties and masturbating to internet porn. Meanwhile, a convicted sex offender moves into the neighborhood, which stirs up a whole hornet's nest worth of trouble. Director Todd Field clearly has learned a great deal about evoking humanity and emotion without grinding things to a heavy- handed halt while voicing Ol' Drippy on Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and those lessons come into play here. By maintaining a non-judgmental moral stance, and letting the characters and situations speak for themselves, Little Children manages to balance the tightrope between humor and exploitation, humanity and drama, and creates a warm, realistic film. For more information, try googling 'realistic pedophile movie'. Just don't tell the FBI I told you to.

Underage? Read a PG-13 review at The Comic Book Bin. Then come over to my house and let me watch you touch yourself. Girls and effeminate boys only need apply.



Anonymous Whitro said...

I was looking forward to a pre-review of "Hounddog"

10:16 a.m.  
Blogger Bobo the Wandering Pallbearer said...

That pic of Britney, by the way, displays not a shaved pubis, but her utter lack of genitalia, reinforcing my theory that she is not a human being, but rather a mutated genetic experiment gone terribly wrong, and that "her" child was actually purchased for display purposes. They have to pry her away from eating the child twice a week or so, but once the buzz has thoroughly dissipated, they'll probably let her devour it.

4:54 p.m.  
Anonymous broadzilla said...

Where is everyone - has The Internet gone on holiday again?

No one tells me about these things.

2:31 a.m.  
Anonymous TED BIG KNOB said...


2:53 p.m.  

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