Like Where's Waldo, But You're Looking For The Actual Movie Review.
There. That should be worth a few more hits. But not the kind I'm looking for, which would break her nose.
1) Nicole Ritchie. Famous for being friends with someone who's famous. Also for looking kind of like a shaved shitzu.
2) Anna Nicole Smith. Was she a Playboy model? Was that it? Posing with your top off in a magazine so tame it wouldn't get a 13 year-old boy off is enough to lead to a TV show? I can't wait for the new sitcom starring that girl from the VO5 Hot Oil ads. Plus, Smith’s got tits like milk bags, which should be enough to disqualify you from wearing tight clothing, let alone prancing around in the buff.
3) Ashlee Simpson. This is the only recording artist I know who is famous for not singing. Or she was. Then, she got famous for getting a nose job, a career move that turned out great for Jennifer Grey, and will no doubt work wonders for the bony sister of a famous dimwit. Before, with her enormous nose, there was at least something on her face to distract from her vapid stare, which drifted unfocused around the room like a co-ed at her first keg party. Except, unlike the co-ed, Simpson’s evening ends with her spending $10 000 on surgery instead of throwing up in a bathtub while being sodomized by a football player. Life is not fair.
What a disgusting bunch. Like Diana, who incidentally is not in The Queen, a subtle and enthralling story of the Royal Family's public relations crisis after the princess’ death that featuring a Golden Globe-winning performance by Helen Mirren, these people are universally loved for no valid reason. They're famous because they're celebrities, and celebrities because they're famous. It's like we're caught in a time look, a self-fulfilling prophecy, a snake eating its own tail, which by default, is shitting in it's own mouth. And in ours.
Underage? Read a PG-13 review at The Comic Book Bin. Then come over to my house and let me watch you touch yourself. Girls and effeminate boys only need apply.
Labels: Amphetamine Fueled Sex Drive.