Short, And Anything But Sweet. Unless You Find Rape Romantic. And Hey, That's Your Business.
Douglas Sirk is the king of the melodrama, which means he was the queen of the soap opera. 'Melodrama' is just a nice way of saying 'regurgitated Sweet 'N' Low', of course, so that film professors can teach classes without sounding like the cinematic version of Oprah's Book Club, but we'll grant that conceit for now and move on. All of his films include tortured love that for some reason or another dare not speak its name, the scorn of society heaped upon trembling shoulders, and scores that swell like my crotch during a Jerry's Kids Telethon. As you can see, I as well suffer from a love that dare not speak its name, which is that I like to fuck retarded children, but you don't see any Technicolor cameras following me around in Panavision. It's a little unfair, I think, that certain, let's say peccadilloes, are privileged, whereas others are still vilified. Jane Wyman can date a bohemian tree-planter in All That Heaven Allows, and she gets a movie made about her. I rape my way through one short bus and I end up spending 6 months in a hospital for sex offenders. It's just not fair.
Labels: Amphetamine Fueled Sex Drive.