Thursday, March 15, 2007

The Pursuit of A Ferrari Enzo.

The Pursuit of Happyness
2006, USA
Gabriele Muccino

What kind of monster lets his son sleep on a bathroom floor in a bus station just so he can afford a red Ferrari? Will Smith plays Chris Gardner, a true-life self made man who struggled with homelessness while training to be a stockbroker. Unfortunately, he was unable to support his family on the no-wages the internship pays, which is supposed to be inspirational, but is really just infuriating. Get a night job, you fucking deadbeat. This isn't a feel good movie. It's a feel angry at irresponsible parenting movie. Yeah, I'd like to follow my dreams, too. I want to be an astronaut, but I'm not going to strap my kid in a storage locker while I go through NASA flight school. If I did, she'd never trust me enough to take her clothes off for the webcam ever again! Gardner is an awful father, a fact that is glossed over with a saccharine glaze, like icing on a stale donut, or semen on a porn star with bad skin.

Add a few more blackheads, and you have a general idea of this film. Only it looks less like Jenny Garth.

So, Gardner sells medical supplies, poorly, after investing his life savings in bone density scanners that appear more difficult to peddle door to door than he anticipated. His wife, played by the talented and often unrecognized Thandie Newton, pulls double shifts at her job, which as far as I can tell is maintaining a delicate balance between exotically indeterminate ethnicity and freakish deformation. They're behind on their rent, and buried beneath debt and parking tickets, and Gardner’s solution to this is to take 6 months off work in order to take an unpaid internship at a brokerage. Of course, things work out for the best, because they likely wouldn't make a movie about a guy who starved his kid to death trying to afford a sports car. But Gardner is an bad father, in a sappy movie that tugs at heartstrings like violent siblings pull at pigtails, and I don't have time for this. You know what? I want to be somebody too, instead of spending my life toiling in obscurity and complaining about Will Smith movies. But my amphetamines don’t buy themselves, and pimping my children out to Internet pedophiles is a time-consuming gig. I try to live my life responsibly, putting food on the table for me and my family. Or more accurately, on the table for me, and in dog bowls in the crawlspace for my family. I would never sacrifice my child's happiness for personal gain or for entertainment, as both Garnder and this movie does. I sacrificed my wife for that, and Mammon was well pleased with the burnt flesh, boiled blood, and melted fat I offered up Walpurgis Night last. The Pursuit of Happyness is the pursuit of selfish financial gain at the expense of a child, and quite frankly, I find that inappropriate, unamusing, and cruel. And if my kids had enough teeth left to answer, I'm sure they'd agree.

Underage? Read a PG-13 review at The Comic Book Bin. Then come over to my house and let me watch you touch yourself. Girls and effeminate boys only need apply.



Blogger Squish said...

Wow, for I second there I thought you actually had some non-sexual feelings for children. you know this film inspired Travolta getting his own wife and kid in a movie...

10:37 a.m.  
Blogger Sam Kahn said...

I hadn't heard that particular take on this movie. Now I'm kind of curious about it, despite having refused to see it.

2:37 p.m.  
Anonymous Scott said...

Who the hell dreams of being a stockbroker? Jesus, at least Marky Mark dreamt of being a Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver. Now that was a dream.

12:27 p.m.  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldn't figure out why he didn't just move the hell out of San Fran... come on, there are cheaper places to be homeless!

3:48 p.m.  
Blogger batturtle said...

You watched a Will Smith movie when you haven't even finished watching Buffy yet!?! It's been off the air for years! You have all the DVD's! What the hell's wrong with you!?! You deserve your torment.

6:01 p.m.  
Blogger Katherine said...

I was also outraged by this film and doubly outraged by its reception at the fingertips of the 'critics'. Thank the skies for you and this spot-on review.

2:27 p.m.  

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